the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
