I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
