Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
