half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
