I can text with my tongue
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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