She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
