under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
