Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
