she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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