Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
