The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
