it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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