Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
