I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
