barbara walters just said penis...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
