Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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