you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
