grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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