So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
