She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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