Can i not drive my cunt home
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
