I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
