Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
