the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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