I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
