Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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