Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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