it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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