There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
