Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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