the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
