She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
