Say something about gay babies.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
