What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
