I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
