I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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