i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
