No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
