So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
