Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
