I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
