Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Green mimosas i think yes
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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