I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
