IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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