I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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