i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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