It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
