I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
