but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
