i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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