She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
