before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
